I spent the better part of my 30’s with a needle in my arm and I paid for that in many ways. Luckily it wasn’t my face that paid the price so I am really trying to keep it from catching up to my face and the rest of my body. I have sever damage to the veins in my hands. I have purple varicose veins all over my hands and they are so bad on my lower arm, around my wrist that it looks like a bruise if you don’t look close enough. I was never really blessed with huge veins to begin with. When I told my mother I had a problem with IV narcotics she was dumbfounded, she said how in the world, you don’t have any veins to begin with? (My mother was in the medical field, this is how she knew I didn’t have veins) Most all of us can see these itty bitty veins that run down each finger. Yep those are the ones I would thread a micro insulin needle into. It hurt, but being in withdrawal hurt much worse. I did manage to find other, bigger veins but I believe this is what caused the unusual damage to my hands and arms. It’s not the normal “track” type scares all though I do have one or two like that. I believe that running narcotics through these tiny veins and into even smaller capillaries is what really caused this damage. I’ve never seen this in other IV drug users so I’m not real sure but this is my theory.
So after a couple of years incarcerated which gave me a couple of years clean I came out and I fell in love with makeup. This lead to my discovery that if I wore makeup people didn’t question my sobriety anymore, they just go together. If I was using I wasn’t concerned with blending out my eye shadow or making sure I used a fruit acid every night to keep wrinkles at bay. When I used drugs the only concern I had was not getting sick, making sure I had enough dope to get through the day and that involved making sure I had enough money to get the dope. It’s a never ending circle and it is exhausting, skin care and makeup are not on the list of things you care about.
I have always been what the public calls “Attention Deficit” so I never had hobbies or interests that I stuck with very long. Makeup for some reason has been different, I’ve not gotten bored with it. I know I am supposed to use this to help women and I think my idea for the nonprofit will do just that. My hope is that by building women's self-esteem up and helping them prepare at least on the outside for a normal life including a job that will pay enough to take care of themselves, that will help them on the inside. We always say if we look good we feel good, there is a truth to that saying. Thanks for reading and thank you for taking the extra time to read this excerpt.
Much Love and God Bless,
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